Being an Asian Ninja

Poof!

Unlike the title may suggest, I'm not actually going to talk about hooded costumes or sneaky assassination techniques (as much as I would like to). Instead, I'd like to discuss what it means to be in Japan as a foreigner that looks Japanese.

For most of the other members of the JET program, being here makes you an instant celebrity. Everyone stares at you when you walk down the street, when you go grocery shopping, when you eat at a restaurant, and especially when you're taking a bath at a public bathhouse. The kids at school all want your autograph, and they're all over you during their free time. The local shops you patronize will know you by name and offer you free goods ("service", they call it), and Japanese people will go out of their way to befriend you.

I, on the other hand, am different. I don't get stared at. My kids don't fawn over me (well, most of them anyways). Sadly, I don't get "service" from local mom-and-pop stores. Worst of all, perhaps, is that Japanese people really don't give a crap about who I am. Do I sound jealous? That's because I am.

In this country, I don't look special. I look just like another Japanese person, and that first impression alone is enough to stomp many perks foreigners have into the ground. For those of you who'd like to make the outrageous claim that I distinctly don't look Japanese, I will just tell you now that you are wrong. People mistaken me all the time, and it's never without an explanation that Japanese people understand what sentient being I really am. The younger kids at school get surprised when I speak English, and they wonder why my name tag has foreign characters written on it. I get ignored by most of my fellow JETs when we cross paths in the street because I apparently "blend in with the rest of the population." Hell, when I first met some of the veteran JETs, one of them asked, "So, are you a university student or something?" All I could do was blink my eyes a few times before becoming ragingly offended. This happened all but 5 minutes after I told another newbie, "Since I got here, not a single person has thought I wasn't Japanese! NOT ONE!!"

Just today, actually, a suit-clad businessman came into the teacher's room at school looking for the head teacher. He asked me where she was, and I told him, "I had no idea." I asked the teachers near me, and they said that she had left for a little while. The guy then turned to me with a pamphlet and started explaining what I should tell the head teacher when she got back. Halfway through, I stopped him and explained, "I'm sorry, but I'm actually a foreigner. It would probably be a better idea if you explained this to one of the other teachers..." He stopped for a few seconds, and then bolted to the next nearest teacher to repeat what he just said to me. I couldn't help but snicker a little as I turned back towards my desk.

I have to admit, blending in with the population has some perks. I can sort of "be a ninja". Basically, I can go wherever Japanese people would go without anyone knowing anything is out of the ordinary. This comes in handy for walking down the street without getting harassed, or when I just want to go get a few groceries without stopping both lanes of traffic on a busy highway. It's most convenient, however, at the public bathhouses, or sentou. I can walk in there and get nekkid with all the other old Japanese dudes, and I won't get stared at for anything except the young man's physique that they wish they still had.

The local bathhouse, Adzuma-yu.

A few weeks ago, Honeybunny visited me in Aomori, and we decided to go to a local hot spring town called Asamushi Onsen for a nice dip in the cold weather. When we walked into the facility together, I had an interesting conversation with the clerk and his daughter. He gestured towards Honeybunny and asked, "Oh, where's she from?" I answered, "Actually, we're BOTH from America. California, specifically." "Oh, you too?" he replied. "Yes, I'm actually of Chinese descent," I responded. "I see. Is it your mother or your father that's Chinese [i.e. not the Japanese parent]?" he said. "Umm, actually both of them are Chinese," I retorted. "Oh... your Japanese is really good," came next. Well thanks, I suppose. Their final comment was, "people must confuse you with a Japanese person all the time." Indeed, they do. We then proceeded to enter the bath. Honeybunny had old women approach her and try to start conversation. In this region, the dialect is very mumbled and difficult to understand, so she had a hard time. I, on the other hand, was left in peace, as none of the people inside found me interesting enough to talk to. Blending in like a ninja...

Finally, a few months ago at a teaching conference across town, I had the chance to use my Asian camouflage to play a little joke. One of the speakers, who was particularly condescending and insufferable, wanted to bring a couple Japanese teachers to the front of the stage and make a mockery of their pronunciation. I rose my hand to volunteer, so he called me up. The other ALTs, seeing me chosen, raised their hands to volunteer, but he refused them, saying, "I want to use Japanese teachers so I can teach them a lesson." I silently and awkwardly stood there on stage with a guilty smile on my face while the rest of the ALTs tried to suppress their laughter. It wasn't until the speaker started explaining the exercise that my cover was blown. He spoke in Japanese, and I wasn't sure what he meant by "sagaru" (which can mean "to lower", so I thought he wanted me to lower myself. In this case, the meaning was "to step back" or "retreat", as he wanted me to back up while my partner approached). I started to bend at the knees, and then he asked me, "Are you an ALT?" I was forced to answer, "yes...," and trodded back into the audience. This time was sort of a failed ninja attempt, but I had my fun messing with him. He deserved it anyways...

Basically, the point I'm trying to make is that there are endless things for Japanese people to tease foreigners about, whether it be their looks, their accents, their behaviors, their insufficient language skills, or even no good reason at all! The only real perk about being here as a foreigner that looks Japanese is that, when Japanese people get taken by surprise and things get awkward, I get the opportunity to tease back. I need to appreciate this more, since it's the only break I'm ever going to get.

That's all for today. Ryan, out! *poof*