Messing with the Students

Being a bit of a prankster, I like to mess around with my students once in a while. It's especially funny because they don't understand much English, and I can get away with a lot of stuff.

Self-introductions can get very fun in this way. During question time, some of the students have asked me things like, "What did you do yesterday?" or, "What did you do last night?" for lack of better questions or to use their newly learned past tense. I take these opportunities to tell them things like "I'm afraid I can't say it in front of children," or proclaim loudly, "None of your business!" Since the kids generally don't understand English at this level, it's mostly the JTE (Japanese Teacher of English) that laughs his/her ass off alone in the back of the room.

While I introduce my hobbies, I have pictures of me throwing people in Hapkido. All of the kids recognize this as Judo, and stare wide-eyed at the pictures of a familiar practice in an unfamiliar culture. I have some rowdier students who are somewhat disruptive and take a lot of energy to deal with, so I take this opportunity to vent by singling them out and saying, "See? I can kill you!" Usually, their lack of understanding elicits no reaction, and the class continues as normal. However, one of my classes (a particularly rowdy one) fell dead silent right after I said it. I was terrified that maybe the students understood what I said, so I freaked out for a few seconds. In the end, it turned out that they just shut up because they were confused, and that's all. 

Another one of my favorite practices is pretending I don't speak Japanese. When I meet a class for the first time, I usually speak exclusively English to the kids, whether we are in class or not. This makes a lot of them think I can't speak Japanese. Then, in the middle of class, while I'm walking around helping with their question making activity, I participate with some of the groups. When I arrive, they usually look at each other nervously and chatter in Japanese about my presence. Sometimes, when they are being particularly chatty, I respond to one of the student's comments in Japanese, and then leave right as the group turns toward me in astonishment. (By the way, although my Japanese level is only about high intermediate in grammar and vocabulary, I don't have an accent. I look and sound entirely Japanese. Most Japanese people and even some of the other JETs mistaken me for a Japanese person.)

During question time, I almost always get the question: "Do you speak Japanese?" When I get back to the question, I always say, "Okay, let's see what the next question is. So, can I speak Japanese? Hmm... no, I can't understand or speak any Japanese, I only understand English, alright?" And, of course, I do this entirely in Japanese. You'd think that it would be obvious to the students that I'm lying, but you'd be wrong. Most of the students get it right and make an uproar, saying, "You're speaking Japanese, dammit!" However, I've had other kids who, in their written response to my introduction, state that I don't speak any Japanese. I'm not sure if they're just really thick, or maybe they just took my word for it because they thought that I actually don't understand very much and only memorized a few lines of (perfectly fluent) Japanese.

Then, there is this one 2nd grader at Toyama Middle School that I particularly like to mess with. I was wandering around after school, and I found a few students hanging around the back of the building with a little taiko drum. I said hi to them, and they were all pretty confused because they hadn't met me yet. I turned around, and there was a rather large second year boy staring at me suspiciously. I said hi, and he kept giving me that suspicious look. In Japanese, I asked him if everything was okay, and he said no. I asked why. He asked me who I was, so I showed him my name tag and I told him I was the new English ALT. He looked at my name tag and found out I wasn't Japanese. I then asked what they were doing with the drum, and they told me that they were the "cheering leaders" that head group chants and cheers during the sports competitions. I told him I'd go teach in his class the next day and said goodbye.

The following day, I went to his class, and he started trying to say something to me in Japanese. I shrugged, shook my head, and said in the worst American accent of Japanese ever, "I DON'T UNDERSTAND." He gave me a surprised look, and then turned to try to explain to his friends, who I supposed were expecting something and were now all persecuting him. He stuttered, "But... yesterday... yesterday he was talking to me and... wait, speak Japanese!" I shrugged again and gave him the same answer. He had the most desperately pleading and confused look on his face. I chuckled to myself and started the English lesson.

I later bumped into him in the hall with his friends. He called to me and tried to make me speak Japanese again, but I still felt playful and wanted to mess with him more. He looked at me desperately and asked, "Why wont you speak Japanese?" I gave him a smile and walked away, leaving him stunned and his friends laughing. Poor guy...

Finally, the last event is the one I'm most proud of. I was at Toyama Nishi Elementary teaching the sixth grade classes, and I walked into my next class during break time. One of the kids was comfortably proclaiming "自由、自由！" (or "jiyuu jiyuu") while stretching his arms upwards. I laughed as I walked past him, and I asked him if he knew how to say that in English. When he told me he didn't know, I raised my hands and yelled, "FREEDOM!!" He copied me, and I had successfully started a trend. The students next to him copied him, and it spread like wildfire. By the time I had finished the lesson and lunch break started, most of the boys were expressing their free time by raising their arms and shouting, "FREEEEEDOM!!" Now I have a sixth grade class filled with little Bravehearts! I'm so proud...

Thanks for reading, and stay tuned!